Sunday, 1 May 2016

Dancing Through Life's Lessons: Toxic Friends

“We would do ourselves a tremendous favor by letting go of the people who poison our spirit.” ~ Steve Maraboli
Have you ever had a toxic friend? Someone who makes you sick just thinking their name or seeing them in the hallways? Have you wanted to remove them from your life but just didn’t know how. Well, in this post I will show you how to remove negative people from your life without being a bitch about it. 
Toxic friends (or exs') are an invisible poison (like carbon monoxide) and they should not be allowed in our lives. Here are seven reasons as to why they poison our spirit and why we should let them go. 

1. Recognize the problem
The first step is the most basic one. You have to realize that this person is toxic to your life. Some things they may do is take advantage of you (not pay you back, not return favors etc), gossip about you with other people, accuse you of things you didn’t do, are constantly negative about everything etc. If you’re in a group of three, said toxic friend might try to make the third person turn against you (been there!). Once you know there is a problem it’ll be that much easier to ending your relationship with them.

2. Care about your own well being
It may be hard to remove toxic friends from your life, especially if you’ve know them for many years and never expected them to do this. In some situations, they may be in all of your classes in school, part of your favorite after school activities (been there!) or they may even be part of your family. At a certain point, you must learn to care about your own well-being over your status with these people. Putting your own emotional health first will help you to be happier and live a more positive and stress-free life.

3. Remove them from social media
This is the first step I do when removing toxic people from my life. I slowly start to respond less and less to their texts, I slowly block them off my social media and try to avoid places I know they’d be. For example, a toxic friend I had always hung out in the library near my college. So instead of going to the library before class, I would sit outside and read a book or something. I loved getting the fresh air and didn’t have to worry about any uncivilized interactions.
I know blocking them from social media and all sound really harsh but trust me, it is so worth it to not see pictures and stuff of theirs float through your newsfeed.

4. Cut down on contact
Similar to the tip above, stop communicating with them. Don’t text them first, call them or anything of that nature. If you can, sit away from them in class, or change groups if you can (helps with making new friends).  If they initiate contact with you, be friendly. Don’t give them the cold shoulder, because they’ll know something is up. Be casual, short with your replies and don’t keep telling them everything like you used to. It won’t be too stark of a contrast, and it’ll eventually seem like you guys are, “growing apart.”

5. Limit face-to-face interactions
This one can be more challenging to do if you have to interact with them daily (work, school, extracurriculars etc). If you must see them, try to only do it when around other people because there is less of a chance for them to try and say something stupid to you. You could also try limiting the places you go, that they go too. I had conflicts with a dance mate all throughout high school and eventually I couldn’t deal with her shit anymore so I ended up changing studios. I have benefitted very much from that choice, even though I kinda let her win by leaving (that’s what she wanted). Just try not to let other aspects of your life suffer.

6. Don’t fight fire with fire
For those of you who have a quick temper, this one may be difficult. If the toxic people you’re avoiding get really angry, don’t get angry back. It just ends up with feelings hurt and embarrassment later if said fight is done in public. Fighting fire with fire, just makes it more difficult to remove them from your life. Based on my own experience with toxic people, I can pretty much assume that they thrive on drama. Don’t fuel their fires. Sometimes, radio silence on your end is necessary, no matter how difficult it is.

7. If you can’t remove them from your life, try other options
Sometimes it’s not possible to 100% extricate the toxic people from your life. This happens for a variety of different reasons from you working with them and you can’t find a better job or perhaps you live with them. Whatever the reason is, if you can’t completely remove them from your life, try talking to them if you can muster up the courage to do so. If that isn’t an option, try to limit your contact with them. Go out more if you can or if you’re more introverted like me, staying in your room can often work just as well. This route is generally harder but at least you have some options.

So there you have it. Seven ways to remove toxic people from your life. I hope you all enjoyed this post and if you did don't forget to give this post a +1 on Google+, follow me on all my social media sites which will be linked below and share with people who might benefit from reading this. Also please let me know in the comments below if you’ve ever had to deal with a toxic friend and what you did about it. See you all next week!

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1 comment:

  1. Poodle - I never noticed this ay the end. So cute 😊. I did have bad friends, and did exactly the same. Just sitting somewhere else, doing my own thing, etc. It was realised and others saw too, but chances were there, and honestly it went back bad again, so "I quit" from knowing them. Tied ends are there, and I'm actually more happier than before. And honestly, we all knew each other from Primary, and younger high school. It kills for a while, but I cant say how joyous (and free) it felt. I even got to eat at good places, lolls. And eat lovely things than rushing a nice meal in a way. Anyway, truthful post. Take care always.