Wednesday, 1 February 2017

Dancing Through Life's Lessons: Dealing With Loss

"Pain. You just have to ride it out. Hope it goes away on it's own. Hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no final solutions. No easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time, pain can be managed. But sometimes, the pain hits below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain. You just have to fight through, because the truth is, you can't outrun it. And life always makes more." ~Grey's Anatomy 

     As you can guess from the title, in this post I will be talking about dealing with loss. This is a post I've been trying to avoid because it's such a hard topic to discuss but due to a few deaths recently, this post is necessary. 
      Before I begin I want to say that this post is dedicated to Shelby Veater, Sarabeth Hammond, Shaina Costella, and Ellie Walton as well as their families. I am so sorry for your loss. It hurts now but trust me, life does get better. I've been there. Keep holding on. You will survive this. And if you need a virtual shoulder to cry on, feel free to contact me at pointeballetshoes@gmail.com.
I think just about everyone has lost someone important to them at some time in their life. I lost my grandma shortly after I turned sixteen and it was hard for awhile, not having her around. She always came to visit my family and I June, and was there for every single dance recital I've ever been in. And after my dance competitions or between rehearsals my mum and I would go visit her when she moved to a town closer to us. I remember seeing her face light up when she would see us. It always made me happy.
As I've dealt with loss throughout my life or just in times of pain or stress, listening to music and either dancing or singing has always been a coping mechanism of mine. I just feel like songs can express what I want to say without actually saying it. And often times I will be dancing/singing through my tears. After this I always feel so refreshed and clear. It really helps me let go of the pain.   
    About two years ago, when I was struggling with the loss of someone important to me, another coping mechanism I found really helpful was writing in my journal. Like listening to music, writing down my thoughts was a really good way for me to let go. And if it was something really dark I wouldn't want to read later on, I would write in a different language like Hungarian, for example (because that would be hard to translate later).  On those really bad days, Instead of writing "Dear Diary" I would write "Dear [insert name here], and then I would be basically writing that person a letter but it would stay in the confines of my journal.
Similar to journal writing, talking to someone who has shared the same pain as you is a great way to cope with your feelings. I met a girl on Instagram who went through the same thing I did last year. Sharing our stories have really made us close and now I know that when I'm having a bad day I can go to her and she will help me ease the pain.
This one probably seems like a no-brainer but crying has proven, especially for me, to be 
extremely beneficial. Tears are silent prayers and it's a way for pain to leave the body. So go ahead
and cry. Just today actually, I spent about 10 minutes in the bathroom absolutely sobbing after 
something someone said to me triggered me missing my sister. And I have no shame in the fact that I cried about it (if I did, I wouldn't be writing about it now). So cry...it's okay. This is the time where

you can cry. Just don't let it consume you.
Another outlet of mine since I was a child is story writing. Two of the best stories I've written, were created in times of pain and distress. I found out that story writing was also a good way for me to let go and escape the world for a bit. It really did help me sort out my issues and let my imagination take over me for a little while. It had a similar affect to dancing, which I'm all about.
Lately, one way to cope with loss/stress etc. I've found particularly helpful is to find someone to look up to, whether that be a family member, a friend, a character etc. who has gone through a similar situation as you. For example, the character Amelia Shepherd on the TV shows Grey's Anatomy and the spin-off, Private Practice, experienced something very similar to what I experienced two years ago. And ultimately, it was her courage and strength that kept me going on the really hard days. As she said in an episode from S11, "If you cannot look for light in the darkest of places even when it seems impossible you will never succeed." This quote holds true for me, because now, when ever I enter a dark tunnel, I am constantly looking for that silver lining, the lining that will tell me I will be okay. Often times it makes the situation less painful to deal with.
Also, if you've lost an important family member, try to find a way to honor them, whether that be wearing their favorite color on the days you miss them, creating a scholarship in their name, or even dedicating your career to finding a cure, if they passed from an illness like cancer or diabetes. Honoring someone is a great way to keep their memory alive and to keep them close to you.
Since the unfortunate turn of events that have happened in my community recently, I have learned just how precious human life is and how important living life to the fullest is. I now really try to be in the moment, not wallowing in my past mistakes but not over-worrying about the future either. I am here, right now, so let me experience what I can today, in this moment. I've become a lot happier when I live my life to the fullest.
      I don't know where any of you stand religiously but praying really does help. I've felt more at peace after praying to God (or whoever you believe in) when dealing with things of this nature.
A website that I discovered to be very helpful is called Too Damn Young and it was created by a woman named Vivian Nunez who lost her mother at young age. She created this website to help young adults grieve and know they are not alone. This website has helped me in tremendous ways and I am so grateful I discovered it. 

Now to conclude this post I will be sharing with you a playlist of songs that have helped me through tough times. It's quiet a long playlist (as you can tell). mixed with songs I listened to as a child and songs I listen to as an adult. Some songs are Christian songs as well as modern rock songs that I normally listen to. I even tossed in an oldie song that I still like. I hope these help you in some way. I linked all the songs for you (and yes, it was kind of tedious to do but worth it in the sense that it'll be easier for you to listen to these songs, should you wish too).

My Immortal by Rachel Tucker
Without You from Rent
Have Your Way by Britt Nicole
Slipped Away by Avril Lavigne
Hello by Evanscence
Lucy by Skillet
Stronger by Mandisa
Someone's Watching Over Me by Hilary Duff
For Good from Wicked
Gone Too Soon by Rachel Tucker
Bottom of the Ocean by Miley Cyrus
Just Cry by Mandisa
I'll Cover You by Rachel Tucker
Strong Enough by Matthew West
I Know You By Heart by Eva Cassidy
The Reason by Rachel Tucker
Constant As The Stars Above by Jessica Brown
You Learn To Live Without by Idina Menzel
When I Went Home by Allison Williams
I Want To Hold Your Hand from Glee
Overcomer by Mandisa
Candle On The Water by Anneliese van der Pol
Rapunzel Theme by Becky Taylor
One Night Only by Rachel Tucker
When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne
Silent Lucidity by Queensryche
No One But You by Rachel Tucker
Hymn For The Missing by Red
Fix You by Coldplay
Remember When by Avril Lavigne
I Will Never Leave You by Louise Dearman and Rachel Tucker
Not Over You by Gavin DeGraw
Chasing Cars from the Grey's Anatomy Music Event
A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton
Sissy's Song by Alan Jackson
Hug Him Once For Me by Erica McClure
Papa, Can You Hear Me by Glee
Goodbye by Avril Lavigne

"As long as you remember those you've lost in your 
heart, they won't truly be gone from you. No change,
no loss, no separation, not even death can end love. 
Love lasts forever." ~ Martha Merriman
(Quote from Felicity: An American Girl Adventure).

     I hope this helps you! If it did, don't forget to give it a +1 on Google+, follow me on all my social media sites and leave me a comment below if you have other tips for dealing with loss. See you next week!

~Poodle
Previous Post: Conversations with Felicity: Why I Am A Feminist
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